Abusedhorses.org Blog

Hi my name is Cammy I have been with the ranch since I was 8. I am now 19. I have seen things you would never believe. I have watched as Grandma would stay up days with sick and injured horses. I listened as she helped talk kids out off running away and even suicide. I have helped her with her work with the elderly. Many of the kids lived there at the ranch because they were afraid to go home, but like the Grandma’s of old she always made it better. It didn’t matter what the problem was she had an answer for it. I really loved the way she would involve some of us older ranch rats to help with the younger ones who didn’t feel ready to talk to an adult yet. She made each and everyone of us feel like we were doing something great and we were. I will always love my years at the ranch and hope it will be around long enough to bring my own kids there. The one thing that I will always remember the most was when she sat with me in the stall while my beloved Queenie was dying, She has a no kill policy but we both knew that there was no turn around for her. She was old and got west nile. I begged her to put her to sleep to stop the pain, and I watched as she cryed all the time she did it for me. She then drove Queenie 150 miles up to the Cottonwood ranch to place her on "Spirit Hill" and said a prayer for her. I don’t know who cried more, me or her because she HAD to do something she did not believe in. who else would have drove 150 miles in the middle of the night just to lay someone else’s horse to rest.

Hi I’m Cody and I’m Colt and this burrow is G A short for Guardian Angel. Grandma don’t have many Pictures of us on the horses yet because we just decided we want to learn to ride. By the way if you think you are seeing double you aren’t we are twins. Colt can ride good but I am still a little scared. Dizzy teaches us most of the time. She is real good. I think it is cool up here. We don’t even have electricity. So we either work, swim, or ride. How cool is that.

Hello my name is Jinny Gwin. I am only doing this because Grandma asked me to. I am away from the life I once had and now live on my own. I was about 13 when a friend of mine took me to the ranch because I was having trouble with my horse and couldn't afford a vet. I really don't remenber what I thought about it then, I really didn't like being around to many people. And of course I thought I knew all I needed to know about horses. Boy was I wrong, after a while I did start coming to the ranch, and everyone there made me feel welcome. I was not used to that. Let me tell you how I grew up. We lived in a small trailer in the back of my Grandfather's place. I hated it. My mom lived in the bay area. She is a junkie. My dad is a druggie too. and my Grandpa and uncles, most of them, all do drugs and sell them to. Everyone was always high or fighting or both. When I got my horse, no one bought it. I worked for the money for her, and no one ever payed for my feed. That is till I met Grandma and Pa. Many times they have helped me with hay or grain, but they also saved my horses life. Not just once but a couple of times. I remember when she was hit by a car, I knew she would die, but Grams and the kids came over and Dr.ed her up and stayed with me, or when she hurt her leg. The worst was when she ran away and didn't make the turn into the side road at the ranch. She cut her throat. Everyone was screaming and she was squriting blood everywhere. Grandma came out looked at her and started fireing off orders for everyone to do this and get that and so on. Some of the kids kept asking if she would die, and Grams said only if you guys don't shut up and calm down. By then she had both hands in her neck trying to slow down the bleeding to assess the damage. She then had one of the other kids come over and take her place while she got the vet. My dad wouldn't pay for it, he said to bad let her die, so Grams paid for it. Then after she had her baby, the baby got out and got hit by a car. Even animal control wanted me to call Grams. She came, and with the trailer, even though I was only a half a block from my place, we took the baby to her place and again she called the vet. Her leg was broken but the vet said we could try to fix it. Me and Grams slept out in the trailer with her for several days. Then she got worse and we called the vet again. This time the vet said she should be put down. I asked Grandma what to do, and she gave me my options. I can't take seeing here in the pain, but I agreed with the vet. I later found out that Grams didn't, but it was my horse so I had to do what I thought was right. She stayed with me the whole time paid for everything. I found out that the men in the Gwin family where wrong. Women are not here just to cook, clean, and service a man, we have rights. I thought so many times about dropping out of school, but that was not an option at the ranch, but everyone there helped me with my school work. Them one day Grams asked me if I would like to become an equine adjustor, I couldn't afford to go to school for that but Grams paid for it both mine and Brittney's. That way no matter what, we would always have a trade to fall back on. We would never have to be on welfare, we could help ourselves. You should have seen my face when I got my certification. I don't know who was prouder me or Grandma. These are just a few of the small things the ranch has done for me. I could write a book, and that is what it would take to tell you about *THE RANCH*. So I guess I will close with just these words. If there is a God he chose the right person to care for the abused kids and animals down here. By the way the horse in the back ground is my horse Jewlely, she would have died at least 3 times if not for the ranch.

Hello cyber world my name is Michael, but Grandma Alice calls me Mikie, don’t you try it. She and Pa are the only ones that can call me that. I have a story a lot different than most of the kids you will here from. Yes they all had problems but mine was different. My mom was a big time druggie, and my dad was in prison because of drugs and booze. My aunt was a friend of Grandma’s daughter and when I went completely out of control. They asked if I could stay there, and see what could be done. I was into the gangs and drugs and hated the world. Especially my mom and dad. We would get into fights, and she would hit me with anything she could find, and I would hit her back. I was stealing and beating up smaller kids and just being a real bad ass. Well Grandma said she would give it a try, but by HER rules, with no outside interference. Boy was I in for a surprise! Grandma told me the rules and I told her I would try, but I knew it would not work cause no one could whip or change me it was in my blood to be bad. Well I lived there for 9 years. I hardly ever saw my mom or my sister. All the time I was there my mom never even offered so much as a slice of bread to help support me. As a matter of fact she was so strung out on drugs that when Christmas came she bought me 2 pairs of pants from the second hand store. That wasn’t to bad, but they were girls pant and did not even come close to fitting, She also bought me socks that were for toddlers. Thank God she is off the drugs now and has been clean for several years. I first thought that because Grandma was old that I could push her around boy did I find out that just don’t happen to her. Every time I would get out of line she would use some kind of marshal arts thing on me and drop me to my knees. She would sit down with me every night to help with my homework, and make sure I did my chores. I used to try to bully the other kids that came over because I lived there they didn’t. But she put me in my place there to. I had and still do have real *macho* issues, but they are not near as bad as they used to be. I hated everything about every one and every thing. I always had to try to make myself look better than anyone else and I did that by trying to make them feel bad about themselves. Of course that really only made me look bad. I soon learned to at least act like I could respect someone. I don’t know why she never gave up on me. I most likely never will know. For nine years I tried every thing I could think of to get her to throw me out, but she would never give up on me. She said that no matter how bad we are, there is good somewhere in everyone, yea like I really believed that. But then something started happening I did start to find out it was ok not to be the best and that sometimes it was good to let other’s feel good about themselves. I remember one time when Grandma said if I didn’t sit down and shut up she would take and put her right foot up along side the left side of my head. I laughed she is only 5’5" and I was over 6’ by then, oops she did it. I never saw it coming and she didn’t do it hard enough to hurt me just to let me know she could. Then you should have seen my face the first time I saw her throw a full grown horse to the ground and hold it down so we could doctor it because we couldn’t get a vet out till the next day. My god that is 1200 lbs. but she convinced me then and there it is not how big but how smart you are. Sometimes we would spar with each other. She would not teach me the marshal arts she used because she said I was not responsible enough to use it right. She was right to I would have used it to hurt someone or bully some one. 9 years came and gone my mom never did give so much as a slice of bread for her raising me. Buying my stuff taking care of my horse Sugar Baby, feeding me, taking care of my medical bills. She gave me everything and never asked for anything except to treat her and others with respect. I never understood it. I thought for a long time that my mom was paying her to take care of me, but she didn’t. I don’t think if my mom offered she would have taken anything from her. I know Grandma didn’t like my mom because of the way she did us kids, but she would never let us say one bad word about her or my dad. She would always say something like *well you know your mom has a problem* or *maybe she will change* or * that’s enough, good or bad she is still you mother*. I don’t know how she did it. I really liked going out and helping the old people, but for the wrong reason then. I did it because it made me *look* good, not because it made me feel good. Now I help whenever I can and now it is because it makes me feel good. And Pa there is no one like him. For the first few years I really hated him. I thought he was a big wimp. Because Grandma was always in control and everyone did as she said. He was supposed to be the man, that meant the boss, Boy was I wrong. He use to tell me that she was the boss because she knew more than him about what we did. It didn’t seem right, my dad was always the boss, and if my mom didn’t like it he would just beat her up and show her he was the boss. I understand now that being bigger or stronger does not make you the boss it is what is in your head and your heart. Just like I know, because I over heard them talking many times, he wanted to give up on me, but she wouldn’t have anything to do with that. For 9 years she would say he’s changing slowly but surely. Well I am now more of a man than my dad ever was and I will not raise my 2 beautiful kids the way he did me. I will teach them love and respect and honor. I did make it through high school and now have a good job, my life is now about being a better father than my father was, that is really not very hard, my kids will not grow up to cause the hurt and pain I did. I still have issues but not like I did. But here in the real world sometimes I really want to just call Grandma and say I’m coming home. Sometimes I think I left to soon. But I had to leave the nest at some point. I really hope that Grandma and Pa feel that they did help and change me. Because believe me if it was not for them I would be in prison, most likely on death row. I am not making it up. When I went there I was proud of my dad being in prison I thought it made him a big man among men. It just meant he was a fool. and a jerk and some other words Grandma would never let me say. I never became the man I could have been because I was always to busy trying to be what everyone else saw me as, but I am a better man than I ever thought I could be. So you see the ranch isn’t just about horses or having a few kids hang out it is about learning. Learning about life how to be a REAL man or a REAL woman. It is about learning to share and to care and to love without expecting it back. All the wonderful things I did back then at the ranch I wish I could go back and do them again this time for the right reason. A long time ago Grandma told me the ranch youth program wasn’t about teaching kids to ride but teaching them to love, respect, and honor others. She always said we will change the world one horse, one child, at a time. Well she has changed a lot of lives. While I am the only one that stayed living there for 9 years there were lots of others that came and lived with us to. And most of them turned out pretty good, not all of them but most of them. And do you know that she never asked for one penny for helping us. For feeding us or anything else. I wish I had the money to help her out now but with 2 kids she wouldn’t take it if I tried to give her some. No not because she is to proud but because she knows how hard it is to raise kids, and how expensive it is. She says Grandfather will provide what we need in his own way. I sure hope he hurry’s up it really hurts to see them both like they are now. But you know she still smiles and tells me everything will be OK, not to worry. I wish I had their strength. I wish we all had her love of life. She still feels she is the richest person in the world because she has people that love her and she has done what she loves to do, and she has helped change the world even if it is only for a few. Instead of whinning about the bad things she talks about the good things. In a way it almost makes me mad. That something this bad could happen to someone that good. I know everyone here misses both of them and I bet the people up there don’t know how lucky they are to have them there. I hope as soon as my kids get old enough that I can start taking them up there so they can learn about life like I did from the BEST. I owe my life to the ranch.